Something Lost, Something Gained
by Ghost Writer Extraordinaire
Summary: Takes place after Rhett leaves and Scarlett is preparing for his second visit.
1. Chapter 1 of 3

chapter 1  
Scarlett sat curled up on the sofa in front of the fire in her study. The children had gone to bed hours ago and the servants took their leave after supper, leaving her the only one awake in the house. Sleep was difficult to venture her way on this night more so than other nights when sleep did not seem to exist. Tonight, her sleep was haltered by the rumpled paper held lazily in her hand announcing her husbands' appearance in the coming days.

The news he was coming was pleasing, though only to the surface. Scarlett was happy Rhett was returning since it meant he was being true to his word. Though Scarlett's real feelings upon the news of Rhett's arrival was that of pain. After his first and so far only visit to keep appearance was pleasant but tense when they were alone. Scarlett now understood more of the status of their marriage than she had the day he told her he was leaving. In fact, the day Rhett told her their marriage was over, she did not understand a word that came out of his mouth. She saw his lips moving and heard the words but they did not connect. Even the time spent between his departure and first visit, Scarlett did not dwell on why he truly left her. The conversation they had while he was packing was lost to her and that day seemed a blur as though a painter, not pleased with the paint on canvas, poured water on it to rid the paint.

She was greatly appreciative of the telegram in her hand instead of him showing up in the foyer on day with a bag in hand. His first visit nearly four months ago was unexpected, which he probably enjoyed to see how she lived in her misery. The house was not as tidy as it normally had been prior to his leaving. Dust had gathered on furniture, mud had been tracked in onto the carpeting and not been cleaned up. The most embarrassing part of his return was the amount of empty liquor bottles he saw in obvious locations and other bottles that were supposed to be hidden from prying eyes. The laundry of not only her clothes but the children's as well was piled up, leaving them with only a few of their Sunday's best. All of this was a clear indication that she had let some of the employed help go.

_The rain came all of a sudden with no warning, leaving her and the children soaked through. Rhett sat on the stairs waiting for them to return from God knows where. He sat in the exact same place; she herself had sat when he returned home with their daughter before the first of many tragic events to take place. Her expression did not change when she noticed him; it was a cold pinched look on her face that had been there quite often through their marriage, though now it seemed to have become a permanent fixation since Rhett's departure._

_Wade and Ella ran greedily to Rhett for a greeting; more so Ella than Wade. As the children greeted Rhett with all of the make believe adventures in the past months, Scarlett made her escape to her study, thankful to have children to distract her estranged husband from talking to her. The study was the quickest and best option for her to recluse to; her room was too far and she would have had to walk past Rhett on the stairs to get there nor were any of the other room on the first floor since they were not always as private, which would allow anyone to walk in._

_Scarlett knew the children had some ideas as to what had happened between their mother and step-father to the best of their abilities. Wade was old enough and did not need to be told there were problems in her relationship with Rhett. He had witnessed the problems long before they wed, whether he remembered the quarrels and the aftermath or not, Scarlett did not know, nor would she inquire about the subject with her son. At first, Scarlett had been worried that Wade might reject Rhett upon his return, but he did not, unless it was to put on a show for her. Just another thought Scarlett would not dwell too much on._

_Ella was an absolutely different topic all together. Rhett was the only father she had ever known or remembers. She was too young to know the difference of who her real father was, how she did not call Rhett 'daddy' was beyond Scarlett's knowing. Ella had been just over a year old when Scarlett and Rhett had married and with in another year Bonnie had been born. Wade was most likely the one that she picked up calling Rhett 'Uncle'. While they had been away on their honeymoon Melly had taken care of the children. It was Melly who heard witnessed Ella's first coherent word, in fact she had been the one to teach Scarlett's children kindness when their mother did not. It could have possibly been Melly to explain to Ella that Rhett was not her real father. Regardless of Rhett's abandonment to the children, Ella would always see him as her father and accept him back in warm arms._

_Sadly Scarlett's refuge was short lived, within ten minutes of her unannounced departure a knock echoed at the door. She knew it was Rhett, no one she knew knocked as he did and could do so in a graceful style. Before Scarlett could answer to ward him off or summon him in, the knob slowly turned and he entered the room to find her standing in front of the window holding the heavy curtain back enough to look out._

_"Scarlett…."_

The last syllable of her name rang in her head as the grandfather clock chimed the hours by. Scarlett counted the chimes and realized the time. Even as late as it was, half past two in the morning, Scarlett was no t tired but knew she needed to make some sort of effort to sleep.

Standing up, she moved to her desk and placed the telegram in the top center drawer to look at again in the morning when her mind would be more at ease. With her nerves already being stripped from the children's nagging from earlier when the telegram arrived, Scarlett could not think further of Rhett's pending arrival.


	2. Chapter 2 of 3

AN: Thank you all for reading and a special thanks to those who took the time to reviewed.

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After the children were sent off to school, Scarlett went to the store informing the clerk she would be working at home if a problem should arise. In fact, it was a cool lie she had told, there would be no work of the store to attend to today. No way was she able to think of the store when Rhett was still heavy on her mind. The house needed to get in order in case he wanted to do a search through again.

"_Scarlett" Rhett had said trying to be his calm self. The tension in the air was thick, both in a state of unknowing._

"_Rhett," Scarlett acknowledged without turning around to meet his gaze. Even though she had finally confessed her love for her husband when she had last seen him, it was hard to face him for fear of seeing the same disgust the day Melly died. "How long have you been here?"_

"_Long enough to see the disaster you've turned this house into. Laundry piling up, Scarlett the children hardly have any clean clothes left. Even their soiled clothes look as though they have worn them two or three times without being washed. Where are the servants, Scarlett? There are thick sheets of dust on the furniture. It doesn't look like the dining room has been occupied in months much less any other room down here." Rhett's voice was thick and full of a calm fury._

"_I let most of the servants go. I don't need them; maybe I did at one point but not now." Her back was still turned to him. _

"_Then there are all of the empty bottles I've found. How you are able to be standing in front of me is miraculous. Are you using the extra money I send for upkeep of the house to support your quite evident habit?" Rhett took a hesitant step towards her._

"_No," Scarlett said flatly remembering a time when he himself lived day to day on the bottle. "I don't think you have room to scowl me for any problem I may or may not have. You too have had quite the habit yourself. As I see it anything in regards of 'habits' is what I have learned from you." A slight grin appeared on her lips wishing to hurt him._

"_Your habit started long before we married." He reminded her. "If I remember correctly it was the day I signed my soul to the devil to propose marriage to you, you, my dear, were quite the drunkard." There was an awkward pause as he waited for her to speak. As the time lapse grew longer, he knew she had nothing further to say on the subject. "I must be right," Rhett said stuffing his fist in his pants pockets. "You don't love me, you never have. Your performance of declaration was just that, a performance. Ah, just like the grand performance you put on to get my money. Was that what you wanted for fear my leaving would also mean my funds leave too? When I return this house better be cleaned up, the children's clothes taken to a washer and every bottle gone." With that, Rhett turned on his heels and walked out the door._

"_But I do love you." Scarlett protested too late. Rhett had already gone when the words were spoken._

_Without time to think Scarlett found Lou and Nell giving them instructions on the cleaning that was to be done and quick. Then Scarlett went on a rapid sweep through the first floor looking for any empty bottle of liquor, which was followed with her room and Rhett's room. There was no need to further irritate Rhett by not following his demands._

"Why was I so cruel to him when he came home?" Scarlett questioned aloud. "Did I purposely want to ruin anything that was left of our relationship?"

Scarlett had not been upset with Rhett about his return. In fact, her feelings were quite ambiguous. For months, she had wished Rhett would return and when he had, they quarreled instantly. Scarlett wanted to throw herself into his arms telling him how happy she was to see him, but she could not will herself to do so.

Once she had acted a fool for being in love with a man whom did not love her in return. In the end, there was no love to be had on either end of the fantasized romance. There was a nagging fear placed in Scarlett that day of showing her love for Rhett. If she showed him she loved him as she did Ashley, he would say she was lying and if she didn't he would say she did not love him, which he indeed stated in their meeting. There was no stable ground for her with her love for Rhett, either way he wouldn't believe her and think it was a scheme. The best solution for Scarlett, which she could think of, was to be aloof, yet civil, but not too aloof to where it would have been awkward.

She needed to find a perfect balance with her love of Rhett and the current status of their marriage. How this was to be done, she had not the slightest idea other than to take each day as they came and make the best of it. All Scarlett knew was that she did not want to keep living as she was; missing her husband desperately pining away for a marriage, which would not or could not exist.

The first months after Rhett's departure were hard, especially since she knew the truth of her blind feelings. The emotions she felt for Ashley when she thought she loved him seemed to run parallel as to the way she currently feels about Rhett, though there was something different. Scarlett could not pin point the exact difference between the two loves. Just the yearning power the love of Rhett held over her that was causing her further pain was enough to know there was indeed a difference.

So many times Scarlett's mind raced over days and weeks and months and even years that lead up to the current day. It astounded her that the life she had lived as a child and all the events that linked together to place her in her current predicament. Regret was one thing Scarlett did not want to admit but she did so anyways. To herself she regretted so many of the actions of the past. If there was a way to reverse those mistakes, she would as long as she could keep the knowledge she pertains to prevent the events to happen again. Sadly, fates cruel hand did not play that way and she always was left with the regret and the fantasy of how to right the wrong in the past.

_That night was restless for Scarlett without a stiff drink to aid the sandman's dust. As Scarlett quietly wandered the halls of her mansion, wonderment came to her. Was Rhett feeling the same as I do? Scarlett thought to herself. Her absentminded walk stopped as she sat down at the piano placed in the far corner of the ballroom on the third floor, far from any other breathing human in the house._

_There was no particular reason for going to the third floor; it was where her feet took her. Scarlett had been mindful enough to shut the doors after she entered, so not to wake the children or anyone else in the house. Over the last few years, this room had been the children's second playroom for when it was raining; it gave them plenty of room to play without getting in trouble for being too loud._

_With Rhett's impromptu arrival, Scarlett felt on edge. Everything she did was being judged harshly by him. If she wore anything with a speck of colour he would think she was over her mourning for their daughter and Melly, if she did wear black, he would think her mourning false, and her black was only a show for the old citizens of Atlanta. If she spoke to the children in any tone, he would find a way to criticize, same as if she didn't talk to them._

_Scarlett's tongue tingled endlessly to tell Rhett she loved him over and over until he believed her. She wanted to kiss him madly until all their past was forgotten. With the tables turned one-hundred percent and then some, she did not know what she could do to persuade Rhett. It was so easy for him to seduce her so many times before, with stolen kisses and vulgar talk no lady should hear of. She loved him to the point of insanity and he does not love her anymore. Did he once love her as she loves him now? Did it hurt him just as bad?_

_For years Rhett Butler persuaded her, at first to be his mistress and then later to be his wife. During both speeches, there had been no declaration of love or fondness on his part. In fact, he made it a point to mention marriage in a business matter his money for her body._

_Countless times over the last months, Scarlett had plotted schemes to win her knight's love, though the plots were put out by salty tears almost as quickly as they formed. It seemed so difficult for her to understand Rhett's leaving. Any comfort the truth might have been to her only left her in pain knowing Rhett was lost to her._

_Rhett had come and gone through out the war always around her doting gifts on her. Many of the old guard had tried to stop the unannounced courtship of the two, whom came to be friends. Time after time the thought of chasing Rhett wherever he went and dote on him every chance she got seemed appealing. Since his attention worked on her to marry him, along with his dizzying kisses, it would have to work on Rhett too._

_Sadly she knew it not to be. He would find some way to chase her away. Scarlett's palms itched to battle him until he gave in. Rhett was the creator of the game so that made him immune to others advances. _

_As her mind continued to wonder endlessly over how ironic her relationship with Rhett was, her fingers delicately glided over the bone keys of the piano, idly staring into the room. With the tune carrying through the room, Scarlett moved her eyes this way and that as if watching couples dancing. In fact, through her pale green eyes, she was watching herself dancing with Rhett during the good times of their marriage, if they could even be called good times. The tune was a soft farewell, which did not go with the couple's rapid turns and smiles on their lips._

_As his arms wrapped around her for their first dance together so long ago everything seemed to fit in perfect harmony. Hand in hand, bodies appropriately spaced, steps matching steps; neither had to count the steps aloud to know what the other was going to do next. Their dancing was rather perplexing since they had never danced before; it was almost as if they were walking on air. Slowly, Rhett pulled her body closer to his, too close to be appropriate. Though Scarlett knew that was wrong she smiled up at him, showing her dimples._

_Tears had started to fall down her face, dripping off her jaw to land on the bosom of her thick wrapper. Happy times were indeed had and short lived in their marriage; it was hard to find them through the torment of her memory. How it would be wonderful to go back a few short years and keep the knowledge she had and tried to fix her marriage before it all went into the devils hot hands. Knowing the absentminded wish could never be true caused her tears to move faster._

_Yes this tune seemed to fit well with her feelings. The Parting Glass was indeed perfect. Never again would she dance the same without Rhett. Other dance partners could not live up to how elegance Rhett's dancing was. It would be easier to pretend to dance with him than to dance with another. She would be a fool to think she could cheat herself with a bad dancer._

"_Scarlett," said a deep voice from behind her as a hand touched her shoulder._

_Instantly the music stopped in a rapid halt leaving the strings humming the last notes and the imaginary scene in front of her eyes blurred and vanished like colourful smoke. She was nervous being in Rhett's presents alone. What she might say or do was beyond her control when alone. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel it's pulsing in her neck, Rhett's smell and touch were affecting her and she had to make it stop before she made a fool of herself._

"_What are you doing up here," She said coolly as her spine stiffened._

"_Your playing woke me up and I had to follow it."_

"_I'm sorry to have wakened you." Before he could say much else, Scarlett wiped the tears from her cheeks and rose from the bench. "Good night and joy be with you," Scarlett said quoting the lyrics to the tune she had played moments before with her head still bowed. Her only mind set was to escape through the doors in which she once came and to her room._

_Before she could move away from his arm's length, he grabbed her forcing her to face towards him. "What are you doing up here?"_

_She bit her bottom lip afraid to talk for what might come out. Her mind screamed at her to tell him of her undying love. "I…I…don't know. I just came here. Why does it even matter to you why I'm up here?"_

_Rhett let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the edge of the bench. "Are you still mad at me about earlier?"_

_He was still holding her hands making sure she faced him. To avoid his lurking eyes, Scarlett closed hers and placed her chin to her chest and shook her head slightly left and right. Tears were again trying to build up behind the dam walls._

"_If you're not mad at me then what's wrong," Rhett asked sincerely. This was a much different Rhett than the one she had encountered when she had returned home that afternoon. "It isn't like you to be up in the middle of the night playing old Irish songs."_

_Scarlett removed her hands from his and started walking away before stopping in the middle of the room. Now she was at a safe distance from him and the shadows hid him just enough._

"_Rhett, let well enough alone. Anything that is wrong with me is no concern of yours; I can deal with it on my own." Scarlett stated to his shadowed silhouette. It was so easy to talk to him when she could not see him. "Isn't this amazing. All your money bought this and the friends to fill the room, and now… now there are no friends." Scarlett's hands rose at her sides and into the air above her head indicating the emptiness in the room and the tone of hysteria were present._

"_If you want to have a ball, go ahead have one." Rhett granted._

"_I don't want a ball, it is rather pointless. These walls hold the memories of the unrespectable, and it holds me in the middle to me pointed at, and laughed at. Everything now is just a tragic comedy for onlookers. I had everything, a loving husband, loving children, more money I could spend, an elegant house full of riches; and now…now I only have the money and a house full of costly items. All I had is gone and those that I thought would be envious of me are now laughing at me. Though I suspect it is funny to watch the unravel of ones life. If you'll excuse me, I am rather spent now. Good night."_

The sun had set long ago when Scarlett noted the mantle clock's time. Since the children did not greet her as they normally have done in the last few months, Scarlett knew they were at Aunt Pittypat's or Ashley's. Not knowing how much cleaning truly needed to be done, Scarlett had advised the children to go directly to Pittypat's house after school.

More hands would have been a breath of fresh air in the duties of cleaning but Wade and Ella were too wild for cleaning. Telling the children new orders or reminding them to get back to work throughout the day of what needed to be done was too tedious for her and Scarlett knew she could get the work done faster without them. Pittypat had been quite helpful to Scarlett since Rhett left. Watching Wade and Ella had been her idea, which Scarlett suspected, was to cope with Melly's passing.

Much of the time Beau had been sent to Pittypat's house to let Ashley have some peace of mind which had actually resulted in drinking from sun up to sun down. Scarlett knew nothing of Ashley's grieving until Wade mentioned it during supper. It was then that Scarlett first intervened with Ashley since the fateful day. She did not go directly to Ashley himself but to his sister India . As much as it pained her to talk to the wretched woman, Scarlett had to do it for Beau's sake; the last thing she needed was another child least of all Ashley's since it would add to the list of barbs Rhett would throw at her.

After that tense conversation with insults thrown on both parts, an agreement was made to give Beau a healthy environment to live in. India would move in with Ashley to monitor his state of mind and take care of Beau on days when Ashley was stable. On other days Beau would retreat to Pittypat's house or Scarlett's house. Scarlett had told Wade of the arrangement and told him to inform her if anything happens.

Through this, Scarlett stayed away from Ashley while still being close. Rhett would not hear an ill word against her since Melly's passing, especially since the word of mouth would be too occupied to say anything.

"Oh, hello Scarlett." Pittypat said after Peter announced her.

Peter was one of the most loyal of darkies in the South. He has done so much for the old woman. If it had not been for him, her world of slight fantasy would have been abruptly ended long ago. Though the plump woman was elderly, she had a childlike quality about her that everyone felt the need to protect, and that had been Peter's job for many of years.

"Good evening, Auntie." Scarlett replied taking a seat in the wide embroidered chair. "How were the children today?" Sitting down, Scarlett did not realize until then how sore her legs and feet were from the constant running around the house.

"You are looking pale, Scarlett. Come, I had Cookie keep a plate warm for you. Wade told me you had a lot to do today. We can visit while you eat."

"Oh that would be delightful. Eating had slipped my mind all together today." Inwardly she wondered if Rhett had a hand in the way Pittypat treated her since his last trip. Many evenings they had been invited to supper when picking up the children, or there was always a plate of warm food waiting for her.

"Ella says Captain Butler is returning soon."

How Scarlett wished Rhett would not be mentioned and now that he has, it would only need to be ended soon. "Yes, in a few days. Sadly it won't be a permanent stay. Since Bonnie he starting his shipping business and has to be away longer than is appropriate." There, Scarlett thought, that should keep her gossiping mouth shut. What I said was the truth and it explained Rhett's long absents.

_As the morning turned to the afternoon, Scarlett sat with her children in the playroom. Though Rhett had returned two weeks or so before, the new way of life Scarlett had adapted to with her children had not changed. With only the store to keep her occupied there was more spare time Scarlett had to let her mind run on its own. The more time Scarlett spent with her children gave her less time to think of her marital problems. _

_Scarlett had a wicker basket half full of clothes to mend for her children and for Ella's dolls. It was also the perfect opportunity to teach Ella to use a needle. Already Ella had pricked her finger with the needle a dozen times, with it came her claim to never sew again. And yet the child kept at her work._

"_Momma," Ella called as she weaved the needle through the fabric. "Is Uncle Rhett staying for good?"_

"_No," was her short answer._

"_Why not? I miss him!" Scarlett could tell her daughter wanted to throw a tantrum but was holding back._

"_There is a lot for him to deal with and that is why he cannot always be here. Uncle Rhett has work to do that requires his time away from us."_

"_No he doesn't! He left because Bonnie's gone." She stopped to think. "I hate her. I hate Bonnie. Because of her Uncle Rhett doesn't want to be here. It's all her fault!" _

_Scarlett's eyes kept darting to Wade who was peeking his nose over the edge of a book. Tears had begun to fall from Ella's eyes and form in Scarlett's. Scarlett stopped her work and dropped it back in the basket as she kneeled in front of Ella releasing the fabric and placing it in the basket as well. She lifted her daughter in her arms and sat back in her rocking chair._

"_Shhh… Ella. You don't hate your sister. You loved her very much at one time." Scarlett cooed as she rubbed her sobbing daughter's back. "You had just turned three when Bonnie was born. You were so excited to have a baby sister and always wanted to be around watching every move she made. You and Uncle Rhett were captured by her. Wade wasn't since he wanted a brother."_

"_If it had been me that died, would Uncle Rhett always be gone like he is now?" Ella asked between saliva thick sobs. "If I had died Uncle Rhett would be here to make you happy."_

"_Don't talk like that darling." Scarlett was shocked; she didn't think her children were much affected with their sister's death. "I'm not sure how Rhett would have reacted. I know he would be terribly sad. And besides you wouldn't know how sad he would be if you had…" Scarlett couldn't finish the sentence. She closed her eyes briefly and said a quick prayer for her daughter's words._

"_I would too know. I would see from heaven if he was. Bonnie is probably happy now. She got what she wanted. Uncle Rhett is all hers now and she doesn't have to share him with me any more. Bonnie would always get mad if Uncle Rhett wasn't paying attention to her. She was really mad when you were sick because Uncle Rhett wouldn't play with her since he was locked in his room. She snuck over from Aunt Pittypat's and started screaming in the hall for him. I was hiding under the table and he opened the door and spanked Bonnie. She said it wasn't fair and wished you would hurry up and die so she could have her daddy back. That's when Uncle Rhett boxed her ears and told Prissy to take her back to Aunt Pittypat's and lock her in her room without supper. And now he's always thinking of her and never of me or anyone else. The other day he called me by her name." A sob escaped Ella's throat as she buried her face in the lace collar around her mother's neck._

"_Everything will be alright Ella. Maybe you did something that reminded him of her. Your eyes are the same shape as your sister's. At times both you and your brother do things that will remind me of your fathers or even your Aunt Melly." Scarlett said feeling foreign from herself. "Just let it out darling."_

_While listening to the sniffles and sobs of her daughter Scarlett began to see more of what she had missed. Bonnie had been her favourite child. When she was born there was much to be proud of where as with her other children it was the opposite. Rhett beamed with more pride than should be legal for a first child that was not a boy. It was with the spectacle he made of himself that made her too proud of her youngest child and loved her the most. _

_With Charles dead and never knowing of their child, Scarlett little, if anything at all for her child. Her emotions were fake except when she could not do what she wanted before her marriage. For years, she viewed Wade as a burden but knew she could not let the boy starve during the war. Frank on the other half of the spectrum was delighted to be a father. When he found out Scarlett was expecting he began to annoy her endlessly by treating her as an invalid. After the announcement that the baby was a girl, Frank acted impressed but the newness of Ella wore off and he practically ignored the child. The way Frank acted around Scarlett gave her the feeling he blamed her for the child not being a boy. _

_Guilt at the truth of loving her children formed in her chest. Without the grand enthusiasm Rhett had bestowed upon Bonnie, Scarlett's liking of her two eldest children dissipated and her heart grew for Bonnie. It was quite obvious by everyone that Scarlett did not love her children but the love she had was meant to give her children security and food in their bellies. To Scarlett that love was enough for her, she did not need to dote on their every move or laugh at every word spoken._

"I'll go get the children to keep you company." Pittypat said as she rose from her chair.

"Thank you Auntie, that would be nice." Scarlett softly replied as she took a spoonful of her buttered sweet potatoes.

_Scarlett walked into the playroom to see Rhett was there having a tea party with Ella, even Wade was participating to entertain his sister. It had been three days since Ella's outburst. Since then the thought kept Scarlett occupied._

"_Rhett I need to talk to you, now." With that said, Scarlett quickly left and entered her room. As she expected, Rhett followed her without a questioning word._

"_A bit of déjà vu, pet." Rhett's tone was sarcastic. "What do you have to tell me? You're pregnant? No that couldn't be…unless…."_

"_Keep your damn mouth shut!" Scarlett nearly shouted. "You must have some problem if you keep nit-picking as you are and I will not stand for it."_

"_Then, pray tell, what is it you want to talk about in your room?"_

"_Ella is quite upset with you. She said you called by Bonnie's name." Scarlett watched as his frame stiffened and the muscles in his neck twitched._

_Scarlett stood tall so not too appear weak. Since his arrival, fighting the fear she felt was the only way she could stand in front of him and discuss important issues. Mentioning Bonnie was a difficult subject; walking on a frozen lake seemed safer than this subject._

"_I don't recall but if I did it was a slip." Rhett did not seem to have an answer. "I'll go apologize to her." He turned towards the door._

"_You don't understand. Ella was terribly upset. She even said she hated Bonnie and blames her for you leaving." Scarlett stood behind a chair for a barrier. "Ella said she would rather have died to see if you would have left because of your grief."_

"_Since when have you ever cared for your children, Scarlett? As I recall you wish you never had them and would ignore their very existence."_

"_How dare you say I never cared for them? I may not have wanted them but I care for them and love them. Don't you ever tell me I don't care about my children." Scarlett inhaled a deep breath to calm herself. "Everyone else took care of them while I worked. They gave them the love I could not. Now that everyone is gone I have to do my best."_

"_Fine time you recognize your responsibility."_

"_At least I don't run away from them as you do and you will continue to do. The children are hurting without you here. It's bad enough that they lost their fathers, sister and Aunt and then you. _

"_They may act as though nothing is wrong but you aren't here when Ella has her tantrums, or when Wade gets in trouble in school. Life is different without you here. You don't see it because Wade and Ella are happy to see you and think that if they are on their best behaviour you'll want to stay."_

"_What have you told them about us?"_

"_Nothing. They ask why you left and I always say its business. Wade knows there is more to it but does not ask questions. Ella wants to know more about where you go."_

"_They will both learn to adjust and accept what is laid out. And must I remind you, Wade and Ella are not my responsibility and I do not have to support them if I do not wish to."_

"_Oh you are a cad if there ever was one. You've treated them like your own children for so long, how can you say that you would not support them as you would Bonnie. You are being ridiculous! I frankly don't give a damn if you want to support my children or not, I am sufficient enough to do so myself._

"_Sadly I must agree with Ella about Bonnie's possession over you. She said that Bonnie wanted you all to herself and did not want to share you with Ella, Wade, or even me. She still has you Rhett. You wont let her go enough to cope and live your life."_

"_I will never let my daughter's memory go. She is the only person who truly loved me for me, not what I could buy them. Bonnie gave me unconditional love with no strings attached and it made it easy to return that love."_

"_I did not tell you to forget our daughter. You can never truly forget the loved ones who have passed on. Do you think I forgot about my mother or father? Never has a day gone by that their memory has not visited me. I don't let their death end my life and dream for the world to go back to when they were alive. What's done is done, Rhett, you need to take what life has given you and move on but don't forget what happened or else it will repeat._

"_What would have happened if I had died when I was sick? Ella also told me about what happened with Bonnie then. She wanted me to die so it would be you and her. Was that part of your doing? Turning my child against me, making me out to be a monster so bad that she wanted me to die?_

"_As for those that loved you unconditionally, what of Wade and Ella, did they ever look at you with dollar signs in their eyes? No they see you as their father and all you have done was abandoned them, especially after Bonnie was born. Why is it you only took Bonnie after you raped me?"_

"_I handled Bonnie's outburst then. If you had died, I don't know what would have happened to the children or me. She was hurting too. We came home and then you fell, she didn't get to spend the time she wanted with you. You may call that night what you want but I only gave you what you wanted. Why would I take your children with me on an extended trip? They are not mine!"_

"_You keep saying that. Maybe it would be in the children's best interest if you stopped your visits since they are not your responsibility. There is no need to keep appearances. My children and I can manage just fine. And please take your money too since it would in some way benefit them. Please cut your visit short and leave now and don't talk to the children when you do; I will handle my responsibilities with them. Leave now to pack your belongings, I expect you out of this house by five o'clock. My children and I will vacate your house in two weeks and you may do as you please with it and all its belongings." Anger fueled her words. Scarlett turned her back to her husband to tell him the conversation was over and walked out of the room._

"_Wade, Ella," Scarlett said entering the playroom again. "Get your coats; we are going out for a while." She knew Rhett heard her as she intended._

As Pittypat returned, Ella walked quickly to her mother's side. "Mother I'm sleepy," Ella said resting her head on her mother's shoulder. "When can we go home?"

Scarlett placed her fork down and petted her daughter's hair. "Very soon darling. Sit down and tell me of your day, same with you Wade."

"I passed my exam today, Mother," Wade said holding the report card in his hand. "Mrs. Westin said if I keep my grades up that I could be a grand lawyer and get into Harvard."

Scarlett out stretched her hand to review the paper. "These are good, Wade, as a reward I'll buy you anything you want, within reason. As for university, I want you to go to the University of Georgia. A southern school has just as much learning as a Yankee school. For now university will not be discussed, when your older."

"I want something too!" Ella chimed in with a pout on her face.

"Darling, whatever your brother chooses is a reward for his hard work. Just because one person gets something doesn't mean everyone should. Ella don't cry, if it means that much to you to have a present then you must earn it."

"How? My grades aren't like Wades."

"I'll think of something, darling. Now go get your coats and say good-bye to you Aunt, I'll be there in a second."

Both the children pushed their chairs out and left the room.


	3. Chapter 3 of 3

AN: I wasn't going to post this for a few more days, but after a very stressful 18 hours to where I am on the verge of tears I need some cheering up with everyone's wonderful reviews. Even now after my exam I am still stressed beyond thinking. Normally I am fine with exams with enough time to study but my professor decided not to post our review until yesterday afternoon knowing the exam was today. With a lack of sleep and lots of caffeine I am rather short with people today.

Sorry I generally do not post such personal ANs and this is NOT to derive reviews from readers.

Thank you Wendy for leaving a review, I'm sorry I caused you to cry. Maybe I should have put a tissue warning with the story.

If I acknowledge people in ANs it is because they left an unsigned review and it is the only way to let them know I appreciate their comment. If the review is signed then I send a personal thanks to the reviewer. Please, those who review that I do not mention feel left out or upset that I do not mention you.

Thanks for reading.

* * *

The store was quiet today. Another telegram had arrived from Rhett. He was in Augusta and would be arriving the next day on the early afternoon train.

Butterflies started to flutter rapidly in her stomach. Lightning would strike her dead if she lied about not being nervous about Rhett's arrival. Their relationship had changed drastically when he visited last. Many good and bad conversations took place in his visit. Some of the conversations healed, while others cut open new and hold wounds.

"Good Afternoon, Mrs. Meade. Is there anything I can help you find today?" Scarlett said sweetly. Under her politeness, Scarlett knew word of Rhett's approaching arrival had spread across the city.

"Hello, Scarlett. I'm looking for something for the Doctor's birthday," Mrs. Meade said as she started to study a china cup on the display in the middle of the store.

"I have a catalog here if you want to place an order for something special." It was awkward to talk to the woman without being scolded. Soon though that ice would crack and the woman would bring up Rhett. Mrs. Meade never came into the store without an alternative motive up her sleeve. Today that motive was to coax information out of her to tell her small- minded friends. "Do you have an idea what you are looking for?" Scarlett said pulling the catalog out and using sweetness in her tone.

"No not really. It's hard to buy for a man that already has everything, isn't it?" Mrs. Meade said as her eyes bore into Scarlett's flesh.

Scarlett knew that was a jab and she wanted to yell at Mrs. Meade to get out of her store, but she chose not to. "In some aspects it is. Does he need a new watch or cufflinks?" Scarlett questioned trying to ignore the comment. She quickly turned to the tab that had items for gentlemen. As Scarlett started pointed to suitable items for Dr. Meade the bell at the top of the entry rang causing her to look up. "Mrs. Kallenberg, how nice to see you."

"Hello Mrs. Butler, Mrs. Meade." The middle- aged woman said, nodding her head to each woman. "I have the dresses you ordered finished, Mrs. Butler, and since you were here today I thought I'd deliver them free of charge."

"Wonderful! Excuse me, Mrs. Meade. Please feel free to look through the catalog." Scarlett walked around the counter and took the boxes out of the woman's hands and placed them onto a small table.

Scarlett opened the top box and unfolded the tissue paper to reveal a solid pink dress with white piping on the edge of the skirt and sleeves. "This is absolutely gorgeous. Ella will simply adore it." In the next box was a play dress made of tan cotton covered with little rosebuds. Scarlett had ordered Ella five new dresses during Rhett's visit.

_Over the last week they were both seen around town but never together, which got the superior citizens of Atlanta talking. When Rhett had informed her of their outing, it had annoyed her. Scarlett knew he was only doing so to try and keep the gossip down, but all it would do was to throw the logs on the fire of their sewing circles._

_There was not much Scarlett had to do today. To extend the outing she brought along her last two copies of Godey's Lady's Book and Peterson's Ladies National Magazine with her to have Mrs. Kallenberg draw up some patterns for Ella. Scarlett had taken Ella to get measured the week before on their way home from Mr. Morris's piano lesson. The two did not have much time to do anything else, so it was then that Scarlett made an appointment to select the fabrics and colours and patterns. _

"_What ghastly waste of fabric are you having made now?" Rhett asked as they made their way down the street._

"_Dresses for Ella not me," Scarlett said shortly. "If fabric is such a waste then why did you spend so much money on my clothes in New Orleans?" Scarlett asked as an afterthought._

"_If I didn't then you would have been in the hotel room the whole time," he said with a smug grin._

_"I did have clothes before we married you know," Scarlett replied not catching onto what he was referring to._

_"You did but they wouldn't have lasted long anyways." The bottom of his teeth showed as a grin formed on his lips._

"_What are you trying to say, Rhett?" Scarlett asked trying to hide the hope in her voice. Her pulse quickened at his words and smile. How she would love to feel his love for her, the same love she had for him. A tiny bubble of hope rose in her chest, waiting to cling to his next words. Scarlett hoped he would say something caddish with an underlying meaning. _

"_You have a fiery tempter, Scarlett, which was one thing I loved about you. It was what made me so interested in you. For years, I had imagined what bedding you would have been like. Sadly though, I was disappointed that your tempter did not match your bedside manner."_

"_How was I to know you wanted a whore for a wife? If you wanted to have someone to do tricks in your wedding bed you should have married Belle or some other whore." Scarlett said in a low voice with venom. "If you disliked my bedside manner so much why didn't you get our marriage annulled before we left Atlanta? Or you could have dropped dead after giving me a child to care for like my other husbands just to prove that I was indeed cursed! At least Bonnie would still be alive."_

"_I would suggest you keep Bonnie out of this! I should have never returned with her. She was better off without you." The harshness in his voice made Scarlett shrink a little._

"_It would have been nice for you to stay gone then." Scarlett's anger rose as she gained her confidence. "At least my baby would have had a chance to be born instead of murdered by its father who questioned its paternity. Tell me, were you too damn drunk to remember raping me? To think I had worried about you when you had left with my child; it was a waste to be upset you left since it is your trademark. You are a heartless bastard, Rhett Butler!"_

"_Stop it Scarlett, you're swimming into deeper water that you can't swim in." Rhett said as a warning before diverting the conversation. "Come now, Scarlett, don't get mad at me for telling you the truth of what I thought sex would be like with you. I couldn't have you any other way. The difference between you and other women is that I was in love with you and no one else. Why else do you think I hovered around you during the war?"_

"_To get me to be your mistress time and again. Did you not ask me to be your mistress?" She said flatly. "I am truly glad it is over between us. I doubt I would have ever seen the truth if you didn't tell me this," Scarlett lied as her heart ached._ _Quickly gathering her bearings, Scarlett lifted her skirts, walked past Rhett, and entered the shop._

_Rhett soon followed her as Mrs. Kallenberg was taking her to the back of the shop. Scarlett knew he was behind her and didn't care to acknowledge him._

Scarlett walked down the stairs to see Wade and Ella wore their Sunday's best to greet their stepfather. Wade had on his matching hat as he helped Ella with her bonnet. Ella disliked wearing her nicer clothes, afraid she would stain them or rip them and be punished by her mother. Why they had to dress so nicely for their Uncle Rhett was bewildering since he had not cared what they wore before.

"Come children, we'll be late if we don't leave now. Wade stop fidgeting with Ella's hat, I'll fix it in the carriage. The last thing we need is for it to fall off in the wind." Scarlett took the bonnet and pushed the children out the door.

The party of three left the house as though they were going to Sunday Mass instead of the train depot.

"Mother, why do we have to look nice for Uncle Rhett?" Ella asked as her mother tied her hat on securely under her chin.

"Because we are going to lunch at the hotel afterward. Besides don't you want to look like the prettiest lady in the South for your Uncle Rhett? I'm positive he will love your new dress. The colour was his idea." Scarlett asked knowing how much Ella loved Rhett and his compliments.

Ella shook her head 'no'. "That would mean you aren't the prettiest lady in the South."

Scarlett softly smiled to her child and cupped Ella's cheek endearingly. "I don't need to be the prettiest. There is no reason for me to over shadow other pretty ladies when I have what beauty brings."

"What is that mother?" Ella chirped.

"A husband and children," Scarlett said half- heartedly knowing her husband was now in name only.

Even now the thought of not having Rhett's love hurt her heart. With months to heal her wounded soul, there seemed to be no end to her pain. The children were there, yes, but they did not give her the love she needed; wanted. Now she must find some peace within herself to face Rhett as though her life were perfect. Then again he would know if she were faking it. There had to be some sort of reserve for Scarlett while her heart ached constantly for Rhett's love.

How awkward will this visit be now they have announced to themselves their new vowed friendship? Will they get into another fight about some unknown reason? Scarlett would hate to have this visit ruined for anything she said or he said. Though her wounds were old and delicately healing, the newer ones of the last year were still fresh and cut through the thick scars of old wounds.

With a heavy sigh escaping her lips, the babbling of her children was a buzzing in her ears as her mind wondered again.

"_Can we talk in the study?" Rhett asked as Scarlett started to mount the stairs on her way to bed._

_Oh God, he's going to ask for a divorce, Scarlett thought in a panic. Opening her eyes and taking a deep breath, Scarlett quietly said, "Yes", as she descended the few steps._

_The walk to the study seemed as though it was the last walk of a convicted killer. Or even the plank of a captive pirate being fed to the sharks. What this conversation would entail could ruin her for the rest of her life. Scarlett's palms started to sweat with anticipation as she took in every detail of Rhett's back._

"_Sit. Would you like a drink? I'm sure you are dying for one since you haven't had one in what, three weeks?" Rhett asked turning over two tumblers and pouring the smooth brandy into each glass. _

_Scarlett looked down, into the amber liquor, seeing her faded reflection, then placed the tumbler on the side table._

"_No drink? Here I thought you would need one, and badly at that." Rhett said studying her over his glass's rim. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" He asked her in a concerned tone._

"_Doing what? Not drinking the brandy?" Scarlett questioned. "After these weeks of not needing it, why should I get back into the habit?"_

"_You will though. And no, that is not what I mean. You know very well what I am asking but you are dodging it." He paused before he started again. "Why are you putting yourself through this torture?"_

"_Are you saying you want…want… a divorce?" She asked with the word 'divorce' whispered so softly he had to strain to hear it._

"_No, that is not what I'm saying. You're not yourself, especially these last few weeks I've been here."_

"_What changed for you, Rhett? Before you left you were on the verge of death and now you are not. You almost seem to be your old self again." Scarlett asked remembering those days that seemed to never end and waiting up for hours at night to hear the clicking latch of the front door or the door of his room; any sign to know he made it home._

"_Time, Scarlett, time. When you become older, you will realize that with time in solitude your thoughts become clear. I miss Bonnie every day and still blame myself for her death, but I know there is nothing to do to bring her back. Also Bonnie would be terribly upset to see me as I was and she wouldn't want that. I decided to mourn her and still honor her through living each day." Rhett declared talking in a smooth even tone._

"_That's it? You woke up one day and came up with that? Seriously, Rhett, there has to be more." Scarlett said thinking there had to be something more drastic. "You were ready to take your pistol to your head one day, and nearly drank yourself to death daily. I did not want to see you in such a state, and I am alive! Every night I would wait in the shadows for you to return home safely. Every day I would make sure the carriage was ready in case the doctor had to be sent for. Why did you not care for what I wanted? I wanted to help you, to mourn our daughter with you."_

_"You are right. A lot more did happen. My Mother helped me see what I needed to see. She stripped the house of all alcohol and locked me in my room until I sobered up. Once sober she talked to me. I felt as though I was a child again and being punished. Still I was locked in that room with nothing to do except to think. During my travels of Asia I learned of the types of Meditation. For hours I would obtain a state of nirvana that had finally given me the strength to move on with the wisdom I had gained."_

_Scarlett bowed her head feeling low. It was almost as if a dagger was thrust into her heart and turned. As his wife, she should have been the one to comfort him and help him through the grief of losing their daughter. It should have been she that put a stop to his drinking. But what had she done? Go to Doctor Meade for advice and was told to try and lure her husband into her room with a door cracked open. She was a failure as a wife._

"_Don't feel guilty, Scarlett. There was nothing you could have done. I did not want your help. I didn't want my mother's help either but you know the saying, Mother knows best. I would have locked my bedroom door to keep you away or I would have never returned when I left each night. I had blamed you many times and couldn't stand to look at you. When I saw you I saw Bonnie, I saw pain whenever I looked at you. It was pain that drove me away to heal," Rhett stated truthfully._

"_I understand," she quietly said. "And what are your thoughts towards me now?" She asked shyly, hoping he did not think she was inquiring about his love for her._

"_I don't love you and yet I do. Therefore, that puts me in the place of being neutral. I love that you gave me the greatest gift a man could receive. Bonnie was a part of us both and when I look at you I can still see her. If she never came into our lives, I would have never known what unconditional love was; to be loved and give love for nothing. The love I felt for her was wonderful, nothing I had ever felt before." Rhett knew it was harsh to say but he had to say it. The truth had to be spoken for them to move on. "What about you? Do you still feel the same as you said you did when I left?"_

"_I'm cursed with it," she stated bluntly looking him straight in the eye._

"_I'll admit I was rather surprised you didn't chase after me as you did Ashley Wilkes. Why didn't you?" he explored._

"_No. Why would I? The day you left was a constant reminder of your loathing towards me. How was I supposed to react when you showed up? Throw myself into your unwelcoming arms and hope for you to embrace me back? You're different than Ashley. You are true love, he was a childish love. What would you have done if I did run after you to Charleston or wherever else you may go? Run further away and insult me until you further crush my livelihood. There was nothing for me to do but wait for your return. And now that you are here, it still does not matter what I do, you won't love me again. I shall forever be alone, crying for something I could have had once but cannot have anymore." A single tear swam down her cheek._

"_This is the reason for your aloofness since I've been here? Ella came to me one day asking if I knew what was wrong with you." There seemed to be an opening light in his eyes._

_"I guess you can say that. Ella has been very clingy since you left." Scarlett said in a matter-of-fact tone. Not wanting to bring the children into the conversation, Scarlett quickly said, "Why is it you married me? I told you I did not want to marry again. And now what we had then is no more."_

"_Was that the reason you first said no? You wanted to remain friends and nothing more?" Scarlett slightly nodded her head. "I married you because I loved you and I couldn't stand to see you married to someone else. I had hoped that with my money you would love me back and give up the full rein you had on your business. If you had hired managers, we could have gone off to see the world. I wanted to give you back the life you had before the war had hardened you. To live carefree and enjoy every day."_

"_I'm so sorry, Rhett. If you had only told me what you wanted, then maybe things would have been different." Scarlett said with tears now fully evident on her cheeks. It pained her to no ends to now see the full force of what went wrong in their marriage. Even though she could see now that it was not fully her fault their marriage fell as Carthage did at the end of the Third Punic War with the Romans, Wade had reiterated to her about Roman wars, it still felt as though it were one hundred percent her fault._

"_No. Don't be sorry, Scarlett. You did not know what I had hoped for, and I doubt I would have told you. We were both different people seeking different aspects of life back then. I wanted to finally settle down, and you were just starting your life and wanted all the gold you could get."_

"_Do you think we can start over?"_

"_Our marriage, no. There is too much to haunt us and we will use the past against each other when something doesn't go our way. Old doors will re-open and we will never find a unity."_

"_No. I didn't mean our marriage. And get this through your head I will not allow a divorce! I would like us to start our friendship over. To be friends again. To be able to talk to one another on business and the children and gossip, like we did during the war. We can have a relationship we did not have before." Scarlett said with a hint of happiness in her eyes, something she knew had not been there in some time. "This is not a trick to get you to love me again; I just want to have a friend again, nothing more. If, and this is a far fetched idea, you decide you want more from me we will discuss it then. Anything beyond our friendship is in your hands, not mine. "_

_"We might be able to be friends again. It won't be easy with our skeletons always around us. But this might be something to look at. Since we are to remain married by law, I can take you to Europe to see if you want to import items for your store." Rhett took the seat next to Scarlett, taking her left hand in his. "Shall we get new wedding, or should I say friendship, bands to acknowledge this new leaf of our lives?"_

"_That would be nice. Though I would like to pick out my new band. I'm sure the gossip mill will be running rather steady when they don't see this on my hand anymore." Scarlett said holding her left hand in front of them. "Rhett? When you decide to return could you please send word?"_

"_Yes, of course I can. Now I must pack since I'm leaving tomorrow. I have business in Europe to attend to and on my return we can plan a trip to Paris or London to find new bands and look into expanding the store's market." Rhett said happily, placing a pure kiss on Scarlett's third eye before leaving the room._

Scarlett lifted her chin poised as she and the children walked towards Rhett. Confidence she now had was not there the last time he had visited. Scarlett vowed silently to herself again not to let her marriage drag her down, but to live. She had no reason to let the world go by when there was so much to do and see. Her pain floated away knowing how short life was to fight with herself or Rhett.

"Welcome back Mr. Butler," Scarlett said with a smile on her face.

El Fin.


End file.
